Myths & Facts About Self-Care
Myths:
Self-care is selfish
I don’t have time for self-care
Self-care won’t make me feel better
I can’t afford to do self-care
I’m too busy to do self-care
My family, partner, or children will suffer if I do self-care
Facts:
Self-care is not selfish, It’s caring about yourself. The better you care for yourself, the better you will generally feel about yourself.
Therapeutic Question: What did you learn about taking care of yourself or others growing up?
Self-care doesn’t have to be time consuming. Spending 15-30 minutes a day is all that is required.
Therapeutic Question: Do I make time for other pursuits while often neglecting my own needs?
Studies show that self-care improves your mental health.
Therapeutic Question: Do I have a negative mindset about improving my mental health?
4. Self-care does not have to be expensive. Reading a book, renting a movie, listening to a podcast in the park, or a nature walk are just a few budget self-care ideas.
Therapeutic Question: Do I have a good reason not to be practicing some form of self-care?
5. Self-care isn’t something that you should have trouble fitting into your schedule. There are many self-care options that do not require elaborate planning or time
commitments.
Therapeutic Question: Am I coping with stress by filling up my schedule to avoid thinking about my problems?
6. If you aren’t doing self-care, you could be harming your loved ones. If you are the source of oxygen or nourishment for your family and you are neglecting yourself, you may
be less effective as a caregiver. You may even be at risk of burnout.
Therapeutic Question: Have I considered the impact of my self-care on the ability to take care of my loved ones needs?
Self-Care Tips:
The 6 R’s of Self-care
As a general rule, self-care should meet one or more of the following characteristics and/or qualities.
Self care should feel:
Restorative
Recharging
Replenishing
Refreshing
Relaxing
Restful
If your activity does not fit at least one or more of these descriptors, you may need to pick an activity that is more in line with self-care.
Therapeutic Tip: Think of an activity that does not feel like it takes a lot of mental or emotional effort. It should not feel like work.
Scheduling Your Self-Care:
Just like other important commitments in your life (I.e. work & family commitments), you need to put self-care in your colander. Better yet, make a structured self-care part of your daily and/or weekly activities. If work is important enough to put in your schedule, you should be as well!
Make Your Self-Care Activity Easy to Access:
Don’t make your self-care activity an elaborate or difficult to accomplish set up unless you have time in your schedule and the energy to execute it! It should be something you can easily access with minimal effort or set up.
Make your Self-Care Fun:
Your self-care should be something that you enjoy! With all the demands and pressures we face in our daily life, self-care should serve as a healthy escape from your daily grind!
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Boundaries
What are boundaries?
Personal boundaries are the limits or rules that govern both our personal relationships and our daily lives (Therapist Aid, 2016).
What are some signs that I need to work on my boundaries?
You say yes even when you want to say no
You feel taken advantage of by others or by life
You overstep other people’s boundaries
You feel easily taken advantage of by others
You often feel annoyed or irritated by other people
You feel disrespected by others
You have a tendency to be a people pleaser
You feel guilty when you say “no” to others
(Adapted from Casares, Psychology Today, 2022)
Setting boundaries can benefit me by…
Helping me to express and meet my needs in relationships
Stopping others from treating me abusively or disrespectfully
Reducing relationship stress
Giving you a greater sense of control in your relationships with others
Improving your self--esteem and self-confidence
Improving communication in your relationships
Not harbouring resentment or unforgiveness in my relationships with others
What now? What steps do I take in setting boundaries?
Step 1: Identify the boundary violation. What is the behaviour that you do not like in the other person. Be specific. (I.e. “I don’t like when you yell at me”)
Step 2: Describe how the boundary violation impacts your life (I.e. “When you yell at me I feel disrespected”
Step 3: Communicate what you need from the other person (I.e. “I need you to stop yelling at me”
Step 4: Restate and/or reinforce your boundaries if and when the person violates your boundaries again in the future. This is an essential step. A boundary only works if it is
reinforced consistently and effectively.
Boundary Tip: The “Broken Record” Technique:
Step One: State your boundary clearly and concisely
Step Two: If the other person makes attempts to manipulate, convince, or guilt-trip you, DO NOT RESPOND! Simply restate your boundary in step one again.
Step Three: Repeat step two as many times is necessary to be heard. If you repeat yourself two or three times and the person still isn’t listening or you start getting frustrated,
consider taking a step back from the situation until the other person is ready to acknowledge your position.
Step Four: If it seems apparent that the person will respect your boundary, you may decide to distance yourself from this relationship.
(TIPS: Avoid the traps of over-explaining boundaries, justifying them, apologizing for them, or allowing others to change the subject from your boundaries)
(Adapted from selfloverainbow.com, 2025)
Other Tips in Setting Boundaries:
Start by setting small boundaries. Don’t pick hardest or most difficult boundaries or relationships to start with. Start with small manageable boundaries that will give you successful victories in your relationships. Starting small will also give the person on the recieving end of the boundary an opportunity to adjust to the new ‘you’.
Be prepared for resistance or pushback to your boundaries. As long as the other person is acknowledging your boundaries, it’s OK to negotiate your boundaries within your relationships. You may even decide to make a compromise with the person about the boundary you are discussing. As long as you are comfortable with the boundaries agreed upon in the relationship, compromise can sometimes settle boundary disputes. Just make sure that you aren’t settling for a boundary you aren’t’ comfortable with!
Be consistent and compassionate when you enforce your boundaries. Remember that it may be difficult for the person you are in the relationship with to change their behaviour. So be patient. But don’t avoid reminding them if and when they slip into their old habits! Be mindful of your tone of voice, volume, and make sure you aren’t defensive in your body language.
(Adapted from Nicole, Headway, 2019)
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Grounding
What does is mean to be grounded?
Simply put, being grounded is being present and focused in the present moment. When we are grounded we aren’t in our thoughts preoccupied with worries, upsets, what we have to do later that day or week, or daydreaming and/or spacing out. We are focused on our present environment, any people in that environment who require our attention, and the things going on around us.
How do know if I’m not grounded?
You ‘lose’ time and feel surprised by how much time has passed
You are forgetful even about simple daily details you should remember
You often daydream or ‘space out’
You feel your mind is disconnected from your body, accompanied by a floating sensation
Your family and/or friends complain that you seem distant or ‘far away’
Your attention is focused on your worries, upsets, or thoughts in your mind instead of the moment
You have trouble focusing or paying attention at work, home, or other settings
You have trouble thinking clearly, making decisions, or problem solving
You feel numb
Why aren’t I grounded?
The official name for not being grounded is dissociation or depersonalization. Usually, people aren’t grounded (or dissociate) as a means of coping with emotionally difficult, freightening, or overwhelming life circumstances. Some of these circumstances may include:
Depression
Anxiety
Trauma
Work/financial stress
Relationship/family stress
Grief
Interpersonal conflict
Chronic overthinking
Health/medical stress
Any other situation in your life that makes you experience feeling of overwhelm, stress, fear, or hopelessness
What can I do to stop dissociating?
There are many practical tools you can use to stop yourself from dissociating. Let’s explore one tool below:
How to ground yourself using your five senses…see the steps below.
Recognize that you are not grounded. There are several ways to do this. The most obvious method is to watch out for the symptoms of not being grounded (or dissociative). However, another approach that often works well for people is to check in with yourself a few times per day at set times you will remember to assess whether or not you are grounded. Once you recognize you are not grounded..move onto step two.
Look at three things in your environment that you can see. View them one at a time carefully observing the color, shape, and other qualities of the object. (Note: it doesn’t matter the object you choose as long as your can observe it).
Next, touch three things you feel. Again, feel them one at a time paying close attention to the texture, temperature, and other ‘feel’ qualities of the object. (Note: objects with comforting or ‘stand out’ textures that really activate your senses are best)
Next, listen to three sounds that you hear. Again, listen to the sounds one at a time carefully listening for the sound one sound at a time. (Note: it could be music, the sound of bird, wind rustling the leaves of the trees, the sound of your breathing, or the sound of people talking, or some other sound in your environment).
I typically suggest using these three senses to begin with as you can access these three senses in any environment at any time no matter the circumstances. If you want to get more ambitious or creative, incorporate the senses of taste and smell as well. Some people find certain smells especially grounding!
If you are present, focused, and grounded, great! If you are not grounded yet, repeat the excercise again. You can try creating more intense sensory experiences that are stronger or more intense to ‘jolt’ you out of your dissociative state. Some people find that holding ice in their hands works well or going outside and repeating the excercise are helpful alterations to the grounding actiivity. (Tip: some people who use sensory experiences that are soothing or comforting find that this type of sensory input is especially grounding!) Don’t be afraid to experiment with your senses to see what works best for you!
Once you are groundetd, take a moment to reflect on what was going on before and during your dissociative (non-grounded) state. See if you can identify any triggers that led you into a non-grounded state. Or, see if you can identify any of your thoughts while you were dissociating. Identifying these triggers can provide helpful information about what the root of the problem is and may be information you want to relay to your therapist.