Clients gain so many wonderful insights through counselling. It is my hope that you will benefit from some of the amazing insights I have gained from working with my clients over the years.

July 25, 2025: Insights on…Avoidance

Have we all avoided dealing with our problems at one point in our lives? Yes. Can avoiding our problems be a healthy way to cope sometimes? Yes. Can avoidance be a positive choice in some circumstances? Yes.

The truth is the topic of avoidance isn’t as simple and straightforward as it seems. Entire families avoid dealing with their problems. Couples often avoid having difficult discussions. Parents even avoid awkward or difficult conversations with their children. Employees avoid speaking to their supervisors for fear of what response they might receive. People avoid addressing issues in their friendships for fear of the outcome.

Why do people avoid you ask? In my experience a lot of it relates to fear. Fear of what you ask? There are likely to many to list them all here but here is a few: fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of conflict, fear of being exposed, fear of being vulnerable, fear of talking about or facing the issue, fear of being overwhelmed by emotions, fear of the outcome, and many other fears to numerous to list here. There may be other reasons to avoid, but many of them boil down to fear at the root.

How to people avoid you ask? First the addictive ways. Alcohol, marijuanna and other substance use, video and computer games, gambling, shopping, eating, pornography, sex, and many other escapes. Next, let’s look at alternative ways of avoiding. These can include activities done to excess like cleaning, talking, gossiping, reading, screen time, or any other life activity done in an excessive manner. Notice how some of these activies could be considered to be healthy in normal circumstances. They only become avoidant behaviour when they become excessive or obsessive in nature.

Avoidance can be both short and long-term. I’ve spoken to clients who have avoided dealing with a problems for a few days, a few weeks, or even a few years. The longer avoidance goes on for, the more prone a person is to depression, anxiety, the impact of stress, relationship issues or breakdowns, and other personal adjustment problems. Just because a problem is avoided, doesn’t mean that it isn’t effecting a person. It’s just put in a separate compartment away from the rest of life’s challenges. The person still carries the weight or effects of that problem or issue they have repressed, even if they don’t realize it!

A skilled therapist will help you look at the issues you have been avoiding. If you are going to a therapist and you’re never uncomfortable or challenged by them, you may not be dealing with your avoidance issues in therapy.

So what should you do if you struggle with avoidance? Step one: Identify how you avoid. What avoidance strategy do you use? Step two: Catch yourself using your avoidance strategy and attempt to stop it. If you need help stopping your avoidance, discuss it with an emotional support person or with your therapist. Step three: Identify an issue(s) you may be avoiding dealing with and make a plan to start addressing them.

If you use the strategy of zoning out, spacing out (dissociating), you can refer to the grounding strategies to overcome this in the, “self-help” section of the website. There are detailed instructions there on how to avoid zoning or dissociation.

There are many more ways to deal with avoidance, stay tuned more to come on this topic.